Friday, February 27, 2009

About Me Meme

I found a meme on a friend's facebook page. The rule was that you could only answer yes or no to each question, unless someone asked for particulars. Honestly, when you read these questions, there's no way you can just answer yes or no! So, always one for rule-breaking, I copied the list of questions and I'm answering them as I see fit. So there!

  1. Been arrested? Yes. Once. Skipped off school one day and the girls I was with were shoplifting. We were caught and arrested. Suspended from school. Almost expelled. Needless to say, I NEVER skipped school again.

  2. Slept in until 5 PM? When I have a migraine, there's no choice in the matter.

  3. Fallen asleep at work/school? High school science class. I hated science!

  4. Held a snake? Yes! Snakes are cool!

  5. Ran a red light? Yes. I know, I'm a bad girl!

  6. Been suspended from school? See 1 above.

  7. Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? No, thank the gods!

  8. Been fired from a job? I've been laid off. I know it's not the same, but it feels the same.

  9. Sang karaoke? Have you heard me sing? Hell no!!

  10. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes. Oddly, I keep making the same mistakes!

  11. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? EW! No!!

  12. Sang in the shower? Yes, but it's not pretty.

  13. Sat on a rooftop? Oh yeah. Years ago, my friend Stephen took me to the top of L'Hotel one night and we gazed out over the city. What a fabulous memory, thanks Stephen!

  14. Broken a bone? Yes ... fractured my left clavicle three times! Waiting for the fourth.

  15. Shaved your head? NO! I'd never hear the end of that one from The Husband!

  16. Blacked out from drinking? I don't think I blacked out, but I sure do have a few evenings with blank spots in them.

  17. Played a prank on someone? Yes. But they mostly get played on me.

  18. Felt like killing someone? Yes. Does that make me a sociopath?

  19. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes. And I feel a little smug about that.

  20. Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Yes! Uncle Bob brought them back for me from Mexico! They were so cool!

  21. Been in a band? What's with the singing questions? Are ya trying to make me feel bad??!

  22. Shot a gun? Yes! We have a policeman friend who taught us to shoot. Very scary, but very cool!

  23. Tripped on mushrooms? Probably, I'm clumsy that way.

  24. Donated Blood? Can't. Had mono as a teenager. And I've been part of a drug study for sleeping aids, so they won't take my blood.

  25. Eaten alligator meat? No, but I'm sure it tastes like chicken.

  26. Eaten cheesecake? Does a bear shit in the woods?! And how do we go from eating alligator meat to cheesecake??

  27. Still love someone you shouldn't? You know, I think I'm over that now.

  28. Believe in love? Living the dream!

  29. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? I refer you to #10 of my Husband Meme.

  30. Been in more than 2 countries? Yes. OMG! I can say yes to this question now!

  31. Shoplifted something? Back in the day. Gee, maybe I am a sociopath!

  32. Colored your hair? Let's just say the curtains don't match the carpeting.

  33. Been Skydiving? No. I used to think I wanted to, but now, not so much.

  34. Live with your parents? OK. I love my parents to bits, but there is no way I'm moving back in with them!

  35. Still have all your original organs? Nope. It's actually becoming a bit of a joke. What can I have removed next?

  36. Swam with sea turtles? No, but that sounds like fun.

  37. Played Doctor? Still do!

  38. Been to Washington DC? Not yet. That's on my to do list. We're thinking in the next year or so.

  39. Been to Disney? Many times. And will probably go back next year. I love Disneyworld!

  40. Like Beer? Oh aye! Nothing like a wee pint 'o Guinness!!

  41. Had a baby? *sigh* No. I am blessed with two wonderful step children. But there's always that thought in the back of my mind ... what if?

  42. Been on a train? Yes. Every friggin' day! Don't get me started with the stupid GO Train!

  43. Taken a dare? As a kid, yes. Now, I just laugh at people who dare. What are you? Twelve?!

  44. Still have your wisdom teeth? Nope. Pulled in my early 20s.

  45. Been to a concert? Yes. Martina McBride is my fave so far.

  46. Lied for a good reason? Yes. Lied for no good reason too. Geez, I am a sociopath.

  47. Been to a nude beach? Really, people. Not a good idea. It's not a pretty picture. Trust me.

  48. Driven a boat? Yes. Just a little one with a wee motor.

  49. Been to the top of Eiffel tower? Not yet, but we're planning a trip to Paris and I'm goin' up!

  50. Have a best friend? Married him.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Power Surges

Cousin Alex emailed me yesterday.

"Just came back from the doctor. It's official. I'm in menopause. Does this mean I'm all grown up now??!"

Ha! Right behind you, sweetie!!

Is it hot in here or is it just me??

On the mend

Thanks everyone for your comments yesterday. It really cheered me up. I was sitting in the waiting room at the walk-in clinic and getting notifications on my blackberry that someone had left a comment. I'd read it and giggle. It helped pass the time. You guys rock!

The doctor said that she couldn't drain it to relieve the pressure. That has to be done immediately because the blood congeals quickly and won't drain. She doesn't think it's broken. Even if it was, she said that they'd just put it in a splint (like the one I was already wearing for protection) and tell me to wear it for a week.

So here I am. This is my Robo-Secretary look:

She also prescribed something for the pain that will help me sleep at night. When I picked up the prescription, there was a large pink warning label on the bottle.

"Did you see the label?" I asked The Husband.

"No, what did it say?"

"May cause dizziness."

The Husband snorts. "How will you know if it's the drugs or just you?"

I should have poked him in the eye with my robo-thumb!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Two thumbs up ... well, maybe just one

Last night on the way home, I slammed my thumb between two doors at Union Station. The genius who designed the doors didn't consider that when these adjacent doors open back to back, they actually collide with each other.

My hand was in between.

Believe it or not, I didn't yell, didn't even flinch. Somehow I managed to hold it together until I got home, at which point the shock wore off and I fell apart. Crying, whining, the whole nine yards. The Husband took good care of me, though. Got me a bowl of ice to soak my thumb in. Made me dinner and let me watch Buffy all night long (I'm starting Season 7).

I'm right-handed, so getting ready for work today was fun. You don't really appreciate how much you need your thumb until it's decommissioned. And typing ... well. Let's just say that this post is taking me much longer to type than usual!

Let me tell you that this thing hurts like a sonnova! It's swollen from the knuckle up. Half the nail is black and the rest of the thumb is turning a lovely shade of purple. I have a separate pulse in my right thumb now and it's throbbing to its own drummer. It's a wicked drum solo. I may go on tour.

Ain't she a beaut?!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Is that a paper in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

There's this weird guy on my GO Train. He usually sits in the same car as me. He has a piece of cigarette packaging, the largest panel of the pack, which he has intricately folded into a small accordion. He sits on the train, every day, with his eyes closed, and obsessively folds and unfolds the cigarette panel. With lightening fast speed.


It's funny and just a little creepy.

This morning, the GO Train was six minutes late. That may not sound like a big deal, but as I've pointed out before, this means that the riders who intend to take the next train are already on the platform and are getting on with us. Resulting in standing room only.

I managed to get a seat. The last seat in a quad, sitting in front of some university student doing his homework.

Cigarette Guy ends up standing beside Homework Dude. And I'm watching Cigarette Guy. It's clear that his OCD is getting the better of him. He's obviously uncomfortable, shifting from leg to leg, hands in pocket, out of pocket, back in pocket. He finally settles with one hand grasping the handle behind Homework Dude and the other in his pocket.

The pocket that has his cigarette accordion.

And he begins to manipulate his accordion inside his pocket. His hand is moving quickly and his pocket is punching in and out.

Homework Dude lifts his head. Glances at Cigarette Guy's crotch. Eyebrows go up. I bite my lip to keep from laughing. I lift my book up so I can't see, because if I watch the pocket hockey, I'm going to start giggling.

I'm tellin' ya ... never a dull moment on the GO Train.

Monday, February 23, 2009

One for the Team

Last week was crazy at work. Especially for my bosses. So at the end of the day on Friday, Boss #1 tells me to go find Boss #2. "He's buying drinks. Come with."

OK! Like I'm gonna turn down a drink!!

But first, I had to send out a document to some clients. Boss #1 has all the contacts in his computer, so I'm sitting at his desk, typing away; he's sitting in the guest chair. It occurs to me that I should phone The Husband and tell him I'm going to be late. So being the Multi-Task Queen that I am, I punch in my home number and leave the phone on speaker so I can talk and type.

"Who you callin'?" asks Boss #1.

"The Husband. Tell him I'm gonna be late."

And The Husband answers. "Hello?"

Now, knowing The Husband, I want to warn him before he says anything stupid. "You're on speaker phone and my boss is right beside me."

Pause. "Oooooh kaaaaayyyy."
And in the background, Boss #1 says "Boss. I like that." I roll my eyes at him.

"I'm gonna be a little late," I say. "I'm going out for drinks with my bosses."

And what does The Husband say?
Not, have fun, I'll miss you ... nothing normal like that.

Instead ...
"Well ... you do what you gotta do to get that raise, babe!"

Boss #1 calmly says, "Way to be supportive," and gives a thumbs-up to the phone.

Great ... I'm surrounded!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Puppy Pics

Busy Bee Suz asked me to post pictures of Puppy. And I'm happy to oblige. Honestly, I'm like a gushing parent with this guy.

We did a lot of reading before we decided to adopt Puppy. Personality traits, pros, cons. This seemed like the perfect dog for us. They're already house broken. They sleep all day long. They don't bark much. Perfect.

And they're very affectionate. We're talking big, wet kisses. I mean look at that tongue! It's HUGE!

I like this next picture. This was taken shortly after we got him, so I wasn't sure what that face meant.

Now I do. Ears up. Tongue pulled back in. It means:

"Whassat?! Is that a bunny? Should I go after it?! I wanna go after it! Let me go after it!!"

And this is how we find him when we come home from work. Showing everyone his junk. Like he's all proud or something. A Ron Jeremy wanna-be.

Put that thang away, dude! No one wants to see your lipstick!!

A Ho Lotta Fun

The food court must be trying to expand their customer base.
This is what they're selling now:

Now is it me or is that redundant?
I mean really.
Is it not assumed that Ho is fun?

And that's a helluva deal!

And the chase is on

I was out walking Puppy last night. It was a pretty exciting walk for him.

As we're strolling up the street, we see this little furball running full tilt right at us. Its little bell is tinkling loudly. This takes us both by surprise. Puppy especially.

He's used to seeing bunnies run across his path. Which he usually tries to chase. He doesn't get far, what with the leash and all. But this was different. This was bigger than a bunny, it made a tinkling sound and more confusing was the fact that this thing was barrelling right at us.

Puppy stops. His ears go up. I thought he was going to chase after it. Instead, he actually took a step back. Glanced up at me and then watched this chubby little cat run right in front of him, up the hill and behind a house. Puppy looks at me. I swear it was almost like he was saying "What the hell was that?"

We continue on our walk. Which eventually brings us back to the same place. And sure enough, the furball is back. Puppy isn't fooled this time. His ears go up, he glances back at me and I know he's thinking "Screw this! I'm going after it this time!"

And he does! Pulling me along behind him. Have I mentioned how strong greyhounds are?

"Come on!" he's saying. "It's getting away!!" He's pulling and tugging on the leash trying to catch up to the cat. I'm just about peeing myself cuz I'm laughing so hard. Needless to say, the cat gets away, and we continue home.

Puppy's usual manner is to walk right beside me, nudging my hand once in a while with his nose just to say "Hey". Not this time. He walked just a little in front of me all the way home. I think it was his way of letting me know he was pissed off I let the cat get away.

Sorry, dude. Maybe next time.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Husband Tag

I stumbled across a meme at Busy Bee Suz. She said we could play along if we wanted. No rules, just answer the questions. I won't tag anyone, but if you feel like playing along, feel free. And if you don't have a hubby, make one up! That's even more fun!!

Here goes ...

1) Husband's Name: The Husband. Or Pooh Head. It depends.

2) How long have you been married? This past October we celebrated our 7-Year Itch Anniversary.

3) How long did you date? Ten years. I'm a slow learner.

4) How old is he? It's a secret. He doesn't tell anyone how old he is. It was almost a year before I found out!

5) Who eats more sweets? Hmmm ... tough one. We both have a weakness for the sweets.

6) Who is the better singer? Neither one of us can carry a tune in a bucket. However, The Husband does know the lyrics to just about every song ever written.

7) Who is smarter? He is. Hands down. He'll argue the point, but there's no question he's smarter. Just ask BJ about the time we played Trivial Pursuit together. He kicked our asses!

8) Who does the laundry? He does. And he's damn good at it too. Stains and all.

9) Who pays the bills? He does. I'm not good with the whole money thing. Just ask him.

10) Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Ah ... The Husband would say "I sleep on the left. She sleeps on however much of the bed she wants, and I sleep on what's left." I'm a bit of a bed hog. And blanket hog. And I snore. Honestly I don't know why he doesn't just smother me with my pillow.

11) Who mows the lawn? He does.

12) Who cooks dinner? He does. Have you been reading my blog? I can't cook people! The Husband is an amazing cook!

13) Who drives? If we're going somewhere together, he drives. I like his driving. He's one of the few people I feel comfortable with as a passenger. He's aggressive without being a bully. And we usually yell the same insult to the other drivers.

14) Who is the first to say they are wrong? I don't think I'm familiar with that phrase.

15) Who kissed who first? Isn't that a little personal?!

16) Who asked who out first? I think I invited him over for dinner. All I remember is the deep-fried ravioli.

17) Who wears the pants? Puppy and Kitty are the bosses. No contest. But they usually go commando.

He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry ... am I a lucky girl or what? Don't think I don't know it! Love you, hon!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Musical Score Meme

Lady Fairchilde tagged me on a meme.

Here's how you play:

You are about to write the musical score for the story of your life.
Set your iPod, MP3 player or eight track tape on shuffle.
As you go through each scene, press forward and write down the song (and artist) playing.

Ready? Let's dance!

Opening Credits: Fancy (Reba McEntire)
Nice. A song about a hooker is my opening song!

Waking Up: I Kissed A Girl (Katy Perry)
Ha! I'm not even touching that one!

Falling In Love: Any Man of Mine (Shania Twain)
LMAO! My favourite line in this song is "And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black, he better say MMmm I like it like that!"

Breaking Up: Margaritaville (Jimmy Buffet)
Love this song. The drunker he gets, the more it becomes his fault. Poor bugger!

Make-up: Dirty Deeds (AC/DC)
Hee Hee!

Secret Love: My Sister (Reba McEntire)
OK. I know at first that's really gross, but if you listen to this song, this is mine and Alex's song. It is us exactly! I absolutely love this song. And I love you Sis!!

Mental Breakdown: I can't fight this feeling (Chicago)
Yeah, I seem to have a lot of those kinda days.

Driving: Take the Long Way Home (Supertramp)
Sometimes you just need to drive, man!

Flashbacks: We didn't start the fire (Billy Joel)
Okay, that one's just a little too freaky!

Happy Dance: La La (Ashley Simpson)
Winning the lottery would certainly make me want to la la in the kitchen!

Regretting: Goodbye Stranger (Supertramp)
Hmmmm ...

Long Night Alone: Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
I suppose of you're going to spend a long night alone, you might as well rock it!

Final Battle: Shout (Tears for Fears)
Let it all out!

Death Scene: Finally (Ce Ce Peniston)
I'm guessing it's a long drawn-out death.

Ending Credits: In my next life (Terri Clark)
I'll get it right next time!

Wow! That was a lot of fun. And it's really weird that just about every song makes sense. I won't tag anyone, but feel free to play along. And for you non-bloggers who want to play (you know who you are; both of you!) send me an email and I'll post it here.

Drooling as I Type

This is The Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt.

I know this is wrong in so many ways. But try to ignore the sound of your arteries hardening and just bask for a moment.

Imagine if you will ....

Cheese, bacon, and two four-ounce beef patties
And for buns ....
wait for it ...

Count 'em ... THREE! ...
bacon-stuffed grilled cheese sandwiches!
For buns!
Grilled cheese sandwiches for buns!

OH. MY. GOD!!!

I know, I know. Bad hamburger! Bad!!

And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to eat the whole thing.
But I just want a bite.
Alright, who am I kidding?
Cut 'er in half and I'll split it with you!

I mean, honestly!
Bacon grilled cheese sandwiches for buns!!
Holy Hannah!!!

And if that wasn't enough to give you a coronary, check out their site.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

GO Transit Survey

GO Transit sent out a Customer Service survey today.
Specifically, the survey was about their E-News Alerts.
This is a service where they email you regarding any delays exceeding 30 minutes.

There were a variety of multiple choice questions, alluding to the fact that they are thinking of improving this service. Hmph! We'll just see about that!

There were two questions that allowed a comment.

Question #1:

What do you like most about GO Transit’s E-News alert service? (list two)

What the hell makes you so sure I have something nice to say?
And who are you to tell me how many items I'm supposed to list?!

I could only think of one thing. So I answered:

The fact that I can receive them on my mobile.

I know it's ambiguous and non-committal.
But I had to say something.
I mean, I'm about to lambaste them.
I should at least temper it with a compliment.
However vague it is.

Question #2:

Do you have any suggestions to help us improve our E-News alerts service?

Are you kidding?
Is there even enough room for my answer??!

So I wrote (and I quote):

Consistency in delivery of the message, both in timing and message, needs to be improved.

Often a second message is sent almost immediately after the first, which cites a different reason for the delay.

Often a message is sent citing a 30 minute delay and the message is sent when the delay has already exceeded 30 minutes.

This has nothing to do with the E-News service, but since GO Transit doesn't seem to have the wherewithal to send other customer service surveys, I'm taking advantage of this opportunity.

The Lakeshore line is by far the most problematic line. Delays are ridiculous and passengers are becoming extremely irate at the price we pay for a service that seems to be non-existent. I recently read on a GO Transit blog a suggestion that GO Transit simply cancels a particular train if it knows it will be delayed more than 45 minutes (which I understand is your cut-off point for a delay) thereby not including that particular scheduled run in the delay statistics. This results in better performance on paper. If this is true, that behaviour is deplorable, unconscionable and simply appalling.

The Lakeshore line is a busy line. I get on the train at Ajax. Most days I get a seat. But some days I don't. If the train is delayed so much as 10 minutes, the passengers arriving to catch the following train are already on the platform and will get on the train. The result is that the train is often full when it arrives at Ajax. The Pickering passengers don't have a hope! There's a train that starts at Pickering and goes to Union. Why not have a train that starts at Ajax or Whitby?

Announcements made at Union Station are barely audible on the platform. It's a train station, people! Trains make noise. If you think we can hear your announcement on the PA system when a train is in the station, you're as inept as we all think you are.

I'll let you know if they respond.

Dear Abby

When I was strolling down memory lane yesterday, I came across something that made me laugh out loud! But it requires a bit of preamble ...

My mom's family is close. The aunts, uncles and cousins get together alot. We play cards, sit around eating and drinking. And there's a whole lot of laughter. Most often, these gatherings take place at Auntie Rose and Uncle Moe's house.

When The Husband and I started dating, he was working crazy hours. It never failed that a family gathering was planned when he was working a double shift and he couldn't make it. I would go to Auntie Rose's for a family do and she'd always send home several containers of leftovers for The Husband. "Tell him we say hi and we missed him!" she'd say.

Being a typical French Canadian family, there's a whole lotta teasing that goes on. So it became a standard joke in the family that The Husband didn't really exist. He was a figment of my imagination. It was suggested that perhaps I should get a life-size cut-out of him to bring with me to various family gatherings.

This was the norm for the first few years of our relationship. I went to family gatherings alone, everyone teased me about my imaginary friend and Auntie Rose sent home food.

Then one day, The Husband calls me from work in a panic.

He reads me this article he found:

I am laughing so hard, I can hardly speak. He, on the other hand, is mortified.

"Do you think Auntie Rose wrote this?!" His voice has gone up a few octaves.

My immediate response is to tell him is that he absolutely has to cut that out and bring it home. Which he did. And I still have it.

And if you're wondering, Auntie Rose did not write that. I asked. She denied it ... amidst alot of laughing and snorting!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Skipping down Memory Lane

This is my parents on their wedding day.
Doesn't it look like he's about to cop a feel?

See the blue bowl? They still have that.
And the teapot and the crystal bowl and the candy dish.
My mom has passed on the Friar Tuck salt and pepper shakers to me.
I have a weakness for salt and pepper shakers.

This is me. Doing my Cindy Loo Hoo impression. Frani says I still have the same dull look, especially when I'm concentrating or intently listening to someone. Honestly, could I be any cuter?!

This picture was taken outside our house in Georgetown. I was about four there. This has always been one of my favourite pictures.

I used to think, "Wow Mom! You're such a hotty. Look at you with the flirty pose. And Dad. He looks like he's about to take a bite outta you!"

Then my mom set the record straight. It seems my dad was pulling up her dress to show some leg and she's trying to pull it back down!

Little horndog!!

This is me (in the middle) with Cousin Alex.
Pay no attention to the kid on the right that I cut off in the scan.
He's Alex's older brother.
He's a poo-head.
So we're just gonna cut him off.

And, of course, the quintessential white trash picture.
This is my kid brother.
Don't judge.
It was the 70s, we did that back then.

I'm pretty sure the bottle is empty.
Then again, we are French Canadian ... you never know!

Quote of the Day

Robilicious (with her serious face and serious voice):

"We should make a reality show. Me marrying Gerry Butler and you (pointing at Frantastic) marrying Trent Reznor. I'll be Season One and you can be Season Two."

We all paused. Frani looks at me. I look at her. Eyebrows go up.

We look at Robi ...

"What alternate reality are YOU living in?!!"

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Fed up!

Enough with the snow already! I've just about had it with the white stuff. We have five-foot snow banks at the end of our driveway. Every morning we hold our breath and pull out onto the street. Hoping that no one else is driving by at breakneck speed. Because you can't see a damn thing over these mountains!

To make matters worse, the temperature is not cooperating. We have a day or two of warmer weather which causes some melting. The snowbanks begin to avalanche onto the street. Before the plow can come by, the temperature drops and the banks freeze up. The street is becoming narrower each day. There's barely enough room for two cars to pass now.

I can't wait for the next snowfall (dripping sarcasm).

Wait ... that's tonight.

Yet another 5 cm.

Thanks Mother Nature!

I was flipping through the pictures on my camera. And I came across these. They made me happy. When we bought the house six years ago, we bought our flowers at the local nursery. Expensive, but pretty. Last summer, The Husband decided to try something different. Walmart. Why not? The Husband insisted on taking pictures. "There's no way anyone's going to believe we got these at Wally World!"

Aren't they lovely?

Doesn't it just make you ache for summer?