Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Ben's Your Uncle

Lunch is a rarity for me at work.
And when I do partake, it is usually always at my desk.

While grocery shopping this weekend,
I thought I'd try Uncle Ben's Bistro Express rice packages.
They were on sale for 99 cents.
Helluva deal, I say
and a pretty inexpensive experiment.
Not to mention, I can nuke these suckers in 90 seconds.
Can't ask for much more than that.

So I bring my Sun Dried Tomato and Herb package to work today.
As I'm hoovering my lunch,
I'm reading the back of the package.

The Bistro series boasts "No Preservatives".
This edible product has a pretty long shelf life.
It doesn't expire until 2012.
That's a year from now.
And it doesn't need to be refrigerated or frozen.
How can it not have preservatives?

It also has no artificial colours.
As I read through the ingredients,
I note the third-last item is colour.
Granted, it doesn't say "artificial".
But if you have to add colour,
doesn't that make it fake?

Despite all of that,
it wasn't too bad.

But I'm still hungry.
It was rice, after all.

I hope the boss sends me to Starbucks later.
I could go for a latte and a fudge oat bar.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What's it made of?

Cousin Alex sent me this cool email.
You can't really tell what the thing is made of
until you get to the last few pictures.

Despite its size, it's kinda cute.
It kinda looks like an enormous drunken dolly.
And who doesn't love a drunken dolly?

Once I realized what these were, it really pissed me off.
I searched all summer last year for a decent pair of flip flops.
Now I know why I couldn't find any!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Damn You Auto Correct!

This site is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I've received this email several times, but to truly appreciate the Effed-Upedness (yes, that's a word) that is iPhone, you really need to visit the site. This is why the only apples I own are the edible ones picked off of trees.

To get you started, browse through these:

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What TH is Making for Dinner

A few weeks ago,
I was out with Lady Fairchilde and Robi for dinner.
Red Lobster.
We were pretty excited.
Yeah, we don't get out much.

Not to be outdone,
TH sends me a shot of his dinner:

Farfalle noodles,
with ham,
mushrooms and
black olives,
tossed with an Alfredo sauce.

His message reads:

Tonight's dinner. Wieners and beans tomorrow.

I need to sit down with the Minister who married us
and ask him if hording the good food was in the vows.

A few days later, he's home for the day.
Sends me this:

Homemade patty,
lotsa cheese,
hot peppers.

And this message:

Had craving for big cheeseburger.
Made this.
Wadda ya think?
Too much man vs food?

'Big Cheeseburger' is an understatement.
That's a regular-sized dinner plate.
The original patty was larger than a bread plate.
He said it filled the skillet when he fried it up.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Mess with Bull = Horns

It's a mark of popularity when you begin to get spam email.
At least that's what I'm telling myself.

I'm referring to the comments from people who
tell you to visit their awesome site
that links to something written in Klingon.

I deleted your comment, jerkwad,
and I reported your ass.
Don't mess with me.

I'm this close to activating comment control.
Actually, ditching the whole thing might be easier.