I'm pretty sure The Husband is gay. I point it out to him all the time. He just slaps at me with his limp hand and tells me in his best lisp to Thstop.
Don't get me wrong. I don't mind that he's gay. He does cook and do the laundry. And he does pick out lovely decor for the house.
You don't believe me?
I give you Exhibit A:
We had a new patio sliding door installed on Friday. The old door was more than 20 years old and just not functioning well. I spent 10 minutes after the installation, just gliding the door back and forth.
It was so smooth. I'm in heaven. And so is Puppy. The new doors have hatching between the panes that make them look like French doors. Puppy knows now that he has to stop before he hits the glass. White lines mean stop. Good boy!
So the installer leaves when all is done and The Husband is standing on the patio gazing at the new door, taking it all in, grinning like a maniac.
"Want lunch?" I ask through the nice new screen door. "I'll make a tuna sandwich, seeing as it's Good Friday and all."
He shrugs. "Sure." And I start to walk away to go make said sandwich.
"Wait!" I turn around. "Come back, I have an idea." He's frantically gesturing at me to come back. I roll my eyes. Hang my head. Oh God. This can't be good.
"I know what to do!" He's waving is hands up and down like a little girl and practically dancing from one foot to the other. "Here's what you do ... take a can of tuna, one tablespoon of mustard and one teaspoon of Balsamic vinegar. Mix that together gently, then add mayonnaise so that it just sticks together."
I stare at him.
"Not too much mayonnaise," he says, wagging his finger at me. "Just enough."
I continue staring.
"Do you want me to write that down?"
Trudge into the kitchen and do exactly as he tells me.
I bring the bowl to him for a taste test.
"Oh, that's good."
I got the seal of approval. Yay me!
"Add some celery and you can throw in some olives too if you want."
Back to the kitchen.
Cut some olives.
Mix ... gently.
Lightly toast some bread, spread the tuna mixture on the toast and Voila!
I take a bite.
Damn! That is one fine tuna salad sandwich!
Who woulda thunk?
See what I mean?