Thursday, August 27, 2009

That's Suhmooookin'!

Each morning, when The Husband drops me off at the train,
I walk through the gang of smokers clustered outside the station.
Unfortunately, there's no detour around them,
so I am forced to walk through the mushroom cloud.

They remind me of the kids in high school:
losers trying to look cool,
but failing miserably.

My knee-jerk reaction is to wrinkle my nose at the smell.
It's icky.

I don't smoke.
Do you?

I never smoked.
Well ... I really shouldn't say that.
I tried it.
ONCE.

I was seven years old.
Yes, you read that right.
Seven.
My best friend Yvonne and her sister Patricia
stole their dad's cigarettes.

Export A.
Unfiltered.

Go big or go home, right?

We hid in the ditch and sparked one up.
Yvonne inhaled, coughed a little, but was OK.
Patricia inhaled, coughed a little, but was OK.
Now it's my turn.

Both my parents smoked.
You'd think there'd be some sort of gene passed down.
'pparently not.

I took a drag,
thinking the entire time I looked pretty damn cool.
I inhaled ...
Holy Moses!

The coughing and hacking that took place afterwards
would have riled that of any emphysema sufferer.
I thought I was going to die.
So did Yvonne and Patricia.

They're pounding me on the back.
Giving me water.
Making me eat food.
Everything they could think of to keep me alive.

Eventually, the coughing fit passed.

Needless to say,
I never tried that again.

3 comments:

Sabrina said...

Smoking was awesome. I smoked for 11 years and I have some yukky skin to show for it...but man, those were fun times...finishing a busy shift in the bar, counting tips and smoking a stogie...I still like the smell. But I haven't had one in 8 years and I feel so much better.

J.D. said...

I smoked for 38 years. Started in college to help stay awake on all-nighter-study-sessions. Pretty smart of me to start up smoking at 21 years old! Even smarter to discover that the best tasting cigarette was the one after jogging! Never had a smoker's cough, never got wrinkles, never any side affects except my wife and doctor nagging me to stop. So I did. Five years ago. Cold turkey. Don't miss them. Never want to smoke again. Never reallized how much smokers stink until I stopped. They smell like ash trays. Glad I don't smoke and stink anymore.

Clippy Mat said...

went thru the same thing as you 'learning' to smoke when i was a teen. sadly i persevered until i had a 30 year habit. i quit about 10 or 12 years ago and now i HATE smoking. wasted so many years on it.
dumb!
glad you never got started.
:-)