Friday, August 14, 2009

Itsy Bitsy Spider

I hate spiders.
They creep me out to no end.

They have far too many legs,
move way too fast,
and are just generally

Even as I type this, I'm convulsing.

This is a picture I took this morning.
From my boss's window.
It's frickin' huge!
Needless to say, I don't go in his office too often.
Quite frankly, I'm pretty impressed with myself
that I was able to take the picture at all.

What amazes me most is that
we're on the 34th floor of an office tower.
As you can see, we overlook Lake Ontario.
There is a constant brisk breeze coming from the lake.
The web vibrates at an alarming rate.

My boss is not the only one with a 'guest'.
Just about every office window has one.
It's like some horrible arachnid department store.
Walk down the hallway,
glance in the offices,
and window shop for this season's spider.
Free purse with every purchase.

Window-washers come and wash the windows on a regular basis.
The spiders just come back.
It's eerie.

My boss was telling me that this spider is quite aggressive.
He recently pushed another spider off,
and took over his web.
Cuz I'm not going to have nightmares over that!
Visions of spiders taking over the world
are already flitting through my head.

However, it did remind me of this video clip.

Anyone who grew up in Canada
during the 60s and 70s,
will be quite familiar with the
Hinterterland Who's Who series.

Opening with distinctive flute music,
these short 60-second public service ads,
narrated by a deep-voiced man on Valium,
profiled Canadian wildlife.
Each episode ended with the same refrain:

"For more information on the
[insert type of animal here],
contact the
Canadian Wildlife Service,
in Ottawa."

I'm impressed with how realistic this clip seems,
compared to the original Hinterland series,
especially the opening sequence.
I think my fellow-Canadian followers will agree.
The narrator sounds the same and
it even has the crackly 60s film sound.

Despite my overwhelming fear,
I think this is hilarious.

Not to mention that I may pop a cap
into the next spider I meet.


devi said...


June Freaking Cleaver said...

On some level, I know that spiders are important, in that whole food chain thing. But I figure since I don't eat them, why do they even come by for a visit?

Pretty impressive, the whole 34th floor thing. Maybe it's Peter Parker, flexing his muscles.

Dan Felstead said...

Mo ....I'm with you on this one. I HATE 'EM. I see no use on this earth for a spider...they freak me out.


Mandy said...

Today (and last night) must be the day for bug invasions, infestation and just general itchy, squirmy feelings by us writers in bloggy land. I just finished a post an hour ago about how there was a bug in my bed last night! EWWW! (If you'd like to read it -

At least you were a safe distance from your spider that you captured on film (great shot by the way!) I wish all bugs would just stay on their side and leave us humans on our side. Until then, if I were you, I'd be strapping a can of Raid to my hip, just in case!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

you couldn't be more right about spiders!

Sunshinemeg said...

That is terrifying. Dear god!

Happy Friday to you! Have a great weekend!

Clippy Mat said...

so this morning i was sweeping the kitchen floor and decided to move a table in the corner... (don't do that very often) yeuch. i think your spider's bro was living there and he had a flies' graveyard in his web. gross. n.a.s.t.y.
heeby jeeby

J.D. said...

Great video clip! Kind of like a cross between nature enducation and a morality play. I'm still laughing.