Our fine city is celebrating Gay Pride this week with Two-Snaps-Up-In-A-Zee-Formation.
Every year, during Pride celebrations, I am woefully reminded of how beautiful I am.
Quite a few years ago (back when I was young, hot and skinny) a few of my friends from the Rainbow Lions Club held a fundraiser during Pride Weekend. A dunk tank was set up and, for a few bucks, you could Dunk-a-Hottie.
A bunch of us from work swung by to support the Girls. It was a very warm day and I was dressed for the occasion. A short wrap-around skirt and a racing tank top. Underneath it all, a thong.
We watched them fill the tank, all the while "sipping" Mike's Hard Lemonade. I was feeling pretty good, which is probably why, when Steven asked if I'd be the first Hottie, I slurred Shuuure! Why not?!
It wasn't long before I was dunked. Standing in the tank, my skirt immediately floated to the surface, hovering somewhere around my armpits. My Lemonade-soaked mind deduced that the wall of the tank was high enough so no one could see my thonged behind. It's all good! I left my skirt floating, turned around with my back to the crowd and watched with rapture (I'm easily entertained) as the ladder was re-assembled.
I climbed back up the ladder and took my seat. I had just made myself comfortable when -- WHAM! -- same thing. Skirt floats up, turn around, watch the ladder, climb up, dunked again. Before I knew it, there was a line up of women about two blocks long. Women were approaching the tank, chatting me up. This went on for about two hours. WHAM! Dunk. Floating skirt. Thong. Turn around.
Finally, I was getting a little waterlogged (and a wee parched) and asked to come down. As I climbed down, there was an audible Aaaaw! from the crowd.
I walked over to where the coolers were stored and grabbed another Mike's. As I'm squeezing the water from my skirt, I turn around to watch the next Hottie get dunked and I freeze. Steven and Neil are laughing like maniacs. I am completely mortified. I had no idea that the entire front part of the tank was see-through! No wonder these women were lined up to dunk me. Free show everyone! Come see the straight girl get dunked and see her hiney!!
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I asked, giving Steven a shove. "Are you crazy?!" he says, "Do you have any idea how much money we made off you?" Glad I could help.
However, I now have a nice collection of phone numbers!