Things that make you go Hmmm

I am having the most gawd-awful day.

I slept at the Sleep Clinic last night.
Wait.
Let me rephrase that ...
I was awake most of the night at the Sleep Clinic.

The computer is not co-operating today.
Outlook is possessed.
I have cursed Bill Gates to the Nether Regions.

And I barely got to drink my coffee this morning before it got cold.
There's nothing worse than cold coffee.
Except, perhaps, warm beer.

But Courtini was able to make me laugh today.
God bless you, Courtini!


* * *


If you yelled for eight years, seven months and six days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Hardly seems worth it.


If you farted consistently for six years and nine months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

Now that's more like it!


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out the body to squirt blood thirty feet.

This could be a new Olympic event.


A pig's orgasm lasts thirty minutes.

In my next life, I want to be a pig.


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

Creepy.



And I'm still not over the pig.



Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

If this were really true, I'd be much thinner.



The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

Honey, I'm home. What the...?



The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

Thirty minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?



The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?!



Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

I still want to be a pig in my next life. Quality over quantity.



Butterflies taste with their feet.

Does that mean they don't have smelly feet?



The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Hmmmmmm......



Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?



Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

Okay, so that would be a good thing.



A cat's urine glows under a black light.

I wonder who was paid to figure that out.



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

I know some people like that.



Starfish have no brains.

I know some people like that too.



Polar bears are left-handed.

If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.



Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

What about that pig??!