Hang on Sloopy

Thanks to my brother, Budge, who sent this gem to me.
It has been insanely busy at work
and I have come to hate Mondays.

But as the prelude to this email promised,
I giggled insanely.
When you get to the bottom, you'll laugh too.
Not just with me,
but AT me.

I don't blame you one bit.
Go ahead.
Laugh.

I am.

The following is excerpted from a children's book,
Captain Underpants and
the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants,
by Dave Pilkey,
in which the evil Professor
forces everyone to assume new names.

Here are the rules:

FIRST:
Use the third letter of your first name
to determine your new first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

NEXT:
Use the second letter of your last name
to determine the first half
of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

LAST:
Use the third letter of your last name
to determine the second half
of your new last name:

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

My name?

Sloopy Dippinfanny.

Doesn't that just make you laugh out loud?
I couldn't make that up if I tried.
That is brilliant!

TH's name is Dorfus Dippinfanny.
Which raises a whole slew of questions
that I am NOT going to answer!

I do think that TH and I
should start introducing ourselves as
The Dippinfannys.
The Dipps, for short.

Now here's what I want you to do.
Follow the rules.
And post your new name in the comments section.

Oh come on...
as the email said:

"And don't go all adult -
a senior manager is now known
far and wide
as Dorky Gizzardsniffer!"

I wonder if everyone calls him
Mr. G?